Feline McKitty and One-Eyed Joe make nice for the camera during a fabric-softener commercial shoot.

Welcome to my world of pets! I don't actually have any, but I think these guys are really cute. I've even named them in a farcical manner. Like my future kids: Bucktooth, Splinter, Pebble, Goomba, and Bobo. ... What??

"The mailman did it--honest!" Having dispatched with his owner's homework, Friskers rips open some exciting new mail!

Not one for small talk, Señor Longbottom wonders why his din-din is late once again.

Kickin' it ol'-school after a wild night at the Rainbow Room, Bear calls for the waiter (below) to bring him more Bearly-Berry Juice. Straight up.

Given to me by two of my tutoring students on my 30th birthday, Gucci passed away at the age of 437 days. "Blurb blub," he said to me in a conversation prior to his death, "Burble urble lub!" All of which apparently translates to: "Lord help your kids."